there are somethings in our current gigantic world of ours that keep us guessing. guessing about the whole why what where and how. striving to answer these questions is the essence of our existence.

So you fucked up. So you haven’t found the answers. It’s ok. It’ll all be ok. Why is it so easy for me to say? Although I know it’s no where near anyone else’s rock bottom, I’ve hit my own before. I truly believe time does heal everything. It’s not the end, unless you make it so. It happens. We are human in the end, so just remember that. I’m not advocating to fuck up, and blame being human. Genuinely stating that if repeated mistakes are made without realization, you can fix it, no matter how terrible it is. You have to recognize the consequences, deal with them, then it’s over. It’s going to be rough. You will get through it.

I wanted to write something uplifting for those who needed it or not. Seriously. I think everyone needs a nice little reminder, including myself that every decision, small or grand does make a difference. It leads you into the infinite types of paths which are preset according to those very decisions you make. So you see, at anytime your path can take a different direction, if you fathom how to get there. You are in control. Of course there are the events in life that are not in your control that pushes you in different directions. The key is to not give up. Just don’t give up on the road you are building.

We all need it. There come times in life when sh!t is just too hectic and we are looking for anything that will constitute our current situation as being valid. Re-read and try to really soak in the next few words.

Be the person you are.

If you want to be [insert desired 'whatever' here. I write 'whatever' because i literally mean what ever. animal, occupation, etc.] If you want to be smooth, then you are smooth. If you want to be THE best thief, then you are THE best thief. Just as long as you are happy with who you are, that’s all that truly matters. Just imagine it, and you are. [ -_- not by magic and inaction, read on before you assume, jeesh. XD ]

Of course, the question is, “Well, wouldn’t peoples’ same desires collide with one another? For example two people wishing to the best in the same desire…”

True, very True. You need to create the desire you want to be. Every decision in moments of life keeps shaping that desire. Trust your self and you’ll see.

trust. your. self.

That’s exactly right. I believe we exist between two infinities. What in tarnations does that exactly mean? Well I tell you. Oh yea, that’s right, I mean I’ll explain it because you at the current moment aren’t physically present for me to tell you. So let’s do a little bit of zooming in and zooming out starting at our current naked eye. First we’ll zoom in. Zoom in into our skin. Past our skin, going deeper. Now we are at the cellular level. Let’s keep on goin’. So now we are at the molecular level. Let’s go further. Now we are at the atomic level. Further I say! Electrons, so ok, we are now sub atomic. Can we go further? Yes, but I’d like to zoom out now because the next zoom in would be our last “stop”. I’ll explain everything hold your donkeys. Ok fast zoom out back to the naked eye level. Now let’s keep on doing what we were doing before, except, you guessed it just keep zooming out. Now we are at an airplane. Clouds, Atmosphere, Outer Space, viewing our galaxy, viewing our Universe. Now remember the last stop we did on the really tiny scale? The latest thing, to my knowledge, scientist found are things called quarks that make up those sub atomic particles. Do you see what I’m getting out now? I say we’ll never really find an end to either side of the way we zoom. Things will always get smaller and we can always just zoom out into infinity. So there yeah have it. We are the conscious balance between these two infinities.

What does this have to do with anything? The fuck if I know. XD

P.S. re-read this while listing to future prophecies – Miniamba for extra brutality. you’re welcome.

that’s what we are. It makes total sense. We try to organize this “chaotic” world, but in actual reality it’s the other way around. The world is in order, and we are creating chaos by simply existing in it. Here is an example. It is impossible to take an exact copy, measurement. Or whatever of something since the very act of gathering information disrupts the original. Even now we are discovering that the very act of observing changes the behavior of particles.

so what does this all mean? well, it’s up for you to crate a meaning for it. it seems as of right now, all the other creatures we have come across don’t have the capacity to create meaning, so they’re just in pilot mode. who’s piloting them though? well, that’s what we are trying to find out.

btw, very quickly im listing to Tom Bowling by Numbernin6. really relaxing if you want to listen to it while reading…..

so will we ever find out whether the laws of physics is actually created by an agent?

oh yes we will… to be continues……

well at least for human bodies i should say. the question whether our conscious lives on after we die will be answered soon. personally i don’t think we continue to exist after our body shuts down or fails or what ever you want to call it. i do believe all the information that was created by us in our lifetime still exists in the universe, since basically the . OK. i have to start from the source of what is bothering my a.d.d. lol. lets get started. what im going to say is only a belief that makes sense to me on how our existence and matter came to be. so in the beginning, since time is only a… err i know this is frustrating, but i should say everything on this blog is a belief so i wont bother you with any more disclaimers. i promise. so in the moment that started everything, im not saying in the beginning because time is an illusion. it is created by us humans. how fast or slow something is depends on what the person wants to compare “time” to. what is our time? the vibration of a mutha truckn atom up in this. before our crazy technology existed, how was time kept track of? yea correct, the sun. so you can see what i mean now that time is relative. if i were to communicate with a cave man who knew only about time with a sundial and my knowledge of time being the amount of vibrations an atom has i think only i would understand “faster” time. how in the hell would i explain to the caveman that, lets just say for an example, it takes me only 10 vibrations of an atom to build a knife, although that would be freakishly insanely fast lol, and it takes your caveman-no shaving-tiger wrestling-brute force-grunting ass 5 sun rotations to build a knife. his smallest unit would be like the sun moving from not moving which is… hold on let me search how fast the sun moves since im too lazy to do the math and since the time it takes me to research it and post it for you is going to be instant rather than you waiting until i… ok ok ok nevermind ill just research it, and post it so we can both move on. wow. that is the most complicated search ever. what i was trying to say was like the caveman would of seen the respective of the shadow moving a centimeter every “second”. i just had a brain meltdown. the sun is constantly moving so cavemans time… gah this hurts my brain. i cant explain how the cavemans time has a certain limit and the time now is faster, but its still the same. you know what that doesnt even matter. im sorry i know ill start a new paragraph how bout that?

ok so how the universe came about according to muah. no im not digitally kissing you, thats me in french i hope. ewwwwww i just flicked off a freakn silver bug off my sheets. oh. my. how do people sleep with bugs??? wha da ffffff. im talking about forest people n shiz. i HAVE TO STAY ON TOPIC. i started a freakn new paragraph for someones sake. ill start another one.

new paragraph. start of the universe. ok here we go. so there was a something, which decayed. now two questions arise. why did it decay? what was that something? everything decays into something else eventually. i learned according to this times accepted theory of physic laws, that nothing can be destroyed and ultimately if we were to….. wait a freakn minute. what about dark matter coming into contact with matter. oh for crying out loud. i love expressions lol. waittttt i gatta research something really quick. ill explainnnnn, i might be on the verge of slightly tweaking my how we… everything came about. what im going to research is if energy is released when anti matter and matter collide or annihilate. what an epic word. annihilation. ok perfect. everythings is still the same. when they collide they turn into energy. so to get back on track, if we were to try and completely eradicate matter, ya i know i just looked up eradicate, wrong use but who cares this is an incoherent blog  so :p, it turns into energy. there’s no escaping either matter or energy. that being said everything turns into something no matter what. for optimists ill use the word evolves and for pessimists ill use the word decay. and for neutralists, ya i just made it up, ill use turns into. anyways that first whatever… energy? evolved, decayed, turned into the first building steps of matter. the smallest i know of at the moment is quarks. yes there was a moment in time which atoms were thought to be the smallest building blocks of matter. that realllllllly pissed me off in 9th grade. i was so confused learning about atoms, since i was like well how isnt it possible to go smaller than that? or even smaller for ever for that matter? i just had to accept it i guess. anyways, the energy that decayed into a quark, now we all we have is one lonely quark. don’t forget though, now that has to evolve, decay, turn into something. one option is back to energy but that would be a boring cycle of just energy into a quark and the quark back into energy. there is another rule though. that quark does turn back into energy, but it takes a bit longer this time around for it to evolve, decay, turn back, since there are more types of quarks. a new question now arises. where did the new types of quarks come from? energy decaying a different way since it decayed into the quark first, then back to energy, now since there were blue prints for that first type of quark, the energy evolves, decays, turns into the first quark and a new type. those two new types of quarks, now have to evolve, decay, turn back into energy, but now there are twice the complications involved from before, thus giving birth to a new type of quark. those three quarks, now take take longer to decay because they together they form a proton.

lets take a break for a disclaimer. i know i promised no more, but just so im not misinterpreted. what belief i am attempting to explain here, is a model for my understanding of science and religion. im NOT trying to prove one with the other either. im NOT dismissing either one completely either. note that i used the word completely. there are things from both sides i disagree with which obviously for the science side im not fully agreeing that the universe started with a “big bang” and as for religion, the magical stories are for morals. i think its a fruitful way for explaining it to a growing child. it becomes hurtful when the child grows up and it is not explained that those where just stories to teach about morals instead of boringly teaching the child ….”don’t kill its bad end of story, stfu and go to sleep its just the way it is.” yes. im sterotyping. i believe in stereotypes. doesn’t mean i live by it, and no one should. sterotyping to me is an archaic trait that helped with survival back in the day. now i would say it does more harm then good, but it’s the gut instinct that you either trust or dismiss. that’s all.

talk about a tangent and a half there. so quarks n shiz. yea. if you continue with that model you might see what i’m getting at. just go up the scale now. from quarks, a more complicated thing is an atom, then elements which have higher steps of half life and get more complicated. if you see how stars breed elements i think it makes a lot of sense. and so this goes on forth which is us. we are now reaching a point where decaying won’t happen. we are going to stop it with technology. don’t believe me? just wait for the singularity. muahahahha. to sum it all up, our technology will help us transcend our consciousness unto it, beating the old biology limits. Ray Kurzweil helped me reach this realization about transcending consciousness onto technology.

so to answer the first two questions posed which were “why does it evolve, decay, turn into?” and the second being “what was the first energy” is, well that’s what science is trying to solve. so we don’t know yet. i know, so anti climactic huh? sorry hehehe!

till next post, try to not evolve, decay, or turn into anything else! (evolve usually means good, but im NOT trying to say stay static and boring and dont live in this case, i was just trying to keep it clever by staying dont die in way that tied into the blog. oh nevermind lol.)

p.s. where did the laws for everything come from? the creator that evolved, decayed, turned into energy. DUN…. DUN…. DUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!